Home > Miscellaneous > Trust: A Necessity For Relational Intimacy

Trust: A Necessity For Relational Intimacy

I’ve been thinking about trust quite a bit lately. For a lot of reasons that in typical terse Jeremiah-style will be summed up into one: my trust has been broken. It has a been a pretty painful and educational experience. It has filled me with emotional contrasts. It’s amazing to me how vital it is for any sort of relationship. It’s amazing how a lack of it completely destroys a relationship.

There are a lot of people I don’t really trust. I think that’s okay. Jesus in John 4 chose not to entrust himself to people because they weren’t trustworthy. It appears to be a normal, healthy human experience. However, the problem is when I desperately want relational intimacy and development with someone that I don’t trust. A huge part of me has longed to trust, is absolutely desperate to trust, to find some reason to trust. But because the only reason I have to trust is that I want to trust, not because I actually believe the person is trustworthy, it would be foolish to trust. It’s an emotional mess when you long deeply for something you know would destroy you if you had it. What a strange life we live. It’s amazing one little thing like trust can be the difference from having a real relationship with someone or something that is totally fake.

It’s made me think of a few things. One of them is how many of us are actually trustworthy. Just some questions for us to ask ourselves… How often do you avoid telling someone something important or rephrase words so that your statement is sort of true but only a partial story, because you want to smooth things over, want to look better, or want to avoid hurting them? Sometimes we think of that as congeniality, it’s actually lying. How often do you talk about someone behind their back to someone else about something you don’t have permission to talk about or something they wouldn’t want you talking about? Sometimes we think of that as a goodhearted attempt to help someone, it’s actually gossip. How often do we hear someone share their messiness and become upset with the person that the messiness is there? Sometimes we think of that as helping the person see that they are at a bad place, it’s actually merciless judging. How often do we talk about people with more negativity behind their back than to their face? Sometimes we think it’s being nice to someone, it’s actually backstabbing.

Everyone I know does at least most of these things. Most do all of them. I know at some point in my life I have done them all. Can we please just change? Can we please just avoid gossip? Can we please not hide things we shouldn’t from eachother? Can we please be merciful with an infinite measure? Can we please think and speak highly of people always? We can. If we all became people that were trustworthy, people around us would notice and become trusting. We could have our own little world full of trustworthy people, thereby full of trusting people, thus full of deeply intimate relationships. It’s a beautiful concept, but we have to stop compromising.

Categories: Miscellaneous
  1. tgt
    September 18, 2009 at 2:20 pm

    so true. i have the hardest time trusting people. in fact, if i’m honest, the most honest i am is with my wife. she’s the only one though. its crazy and sad to think that in a world that is bustling and busy and interactive, there is so little trust in each of our contacts with others. how do we overcome? i think you’re on to something…

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