Home > Miscellaneous > One Thing, All The Difference

One Thing, All The Difference

Been thinking about me. Still. Yeah. Still. I’m that selfish. But… it seems, as it has so many times in the last 4 months that I am on the verge of coming out of this slump and into the man God has called me to be. Maybe this time will be the real thing. I’m sure the last times I came close could have been. I feel like I’m gaining greater personal understanding of something I may have forgot along the way. Not intellectually forgot, but it stopped being a central focus.

I’ve been crawling back toward my Savior. I’ve been moving slowly into more obedience. I’ve been gradually letting go of the pride I picked back up. My heart has often been in a place of obedience. But not really. Things have been half-assed. Sometimes I really do feel like I’m ready to obey, but deep down, I have known that there are particular situations within which I knew I simply would not follow my Master, but my own wants. I knew that my willingness to obey was specific only to the moment I was in, not one where I was willing no matter what moment I was in. It was a partial hearted humility. A partial hearted servanthood. It’s utterly useless.

But you know what? I see it everywhere now. I see this same half-assedness in so many people. So many people sometimes really really want to be obedient. They really want everything in life that God has to offer them most of the time, but they aren’t really willing to always give up everything to be his disciple. They will give up some things. And at times, they’ll give up everything. But when push comes to shove, at those vulnerable times when the cost truly requires everything, they find themselves hanging onto the very things they pretended to give to God. Halfhearted. Just like me.

Been thinking about this passage and applying it to my current situation.

Luke 14

 25Large crowds were traveling with Jesus, and turning to them he said: 26″If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters—yes, even his own life—he cannot be my disciple. 27And anyone who does not carry his cross and follow me cannot be my disciple.

 28″Suppose one of you wants to build a tower. Will he not first sit down and estimate the cost to see if he has enough money to complete it? 29For if he lays the foundation and is not able to finish it, everyone who sees it will ridicule him, 30saying, ‘This fellow began to build and was not able to finish.’

 31″Or suppose a king is about to go to war against another king. Will he not first sit down and consider whether he is able with ten thousand men to oppose the one coming against him with twenty thousand? 32If he is not able, he will send a delegation while the other is still a long way off and will ask for terms of peace. 33In the same way, any of you who does not give up everything he has cannot be my disciple.

We begin with death. Death. Carry the cross to death. Giving over not only every single aspect within life including the most important relationships, but life itself. Is that really how sacrificing our hearts are? These next two metaphors strike me strongly because I am inn the process of doing this. I am estimating the cost of following Jesus and seeing if I have enough to finish. No one needs an unfinished tower. I am trying to figure out if I have the strength to give of myself everything so that I can weather anything with Jesus. It is pointless to fight if I can’t win. I am counting the cost. Sometimes I think I can give up everything and be God’s disciple. Sometimes I don’t. I am deeply wrestling with the question of whether I have what it takes to go all the way.

I think the metaphor of arriving at a destination is a good one. I rarely can wrap my head around metaphors, but this one makes sense. Halfway doesn’t really get you anywhere. It does no good to go partway to a destination and stop if the goal is arriving at that destination. Partway is pointless. Granted, the further we move, the closer we are to where we want to be, but we have to go all the way or our journey was a complete waste. If we’re 99% of the way to where we want to be and we never go the final 1%, we’ll never get there and we might as well have never started. Do our hearts have what it takes? Are we prepared for battle? If God has called us, then the answer is yes. But if we believe the answer is yes, we have to repent and indeed give everything. Weep with me tonight friends. Let go. Die. Live. Arrive. Truly sacrificing everything is the one thing that makes all the difference in the world because it’s truly all we can do to take hold of all God is offering.

Categories: Miscellaneous
  1. November 15, 2009 at 1:14 pm


  2. Jeremiah
    November 15, 2009 at 7:43 pm

    Didn’t know you read this. Glad you do!

  3. November 16, 2009 at 1:13 am

    Every so often. I generally skip the scholarly ones though.

  1. February 11, 2010 at 9:43 pm

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