Home > Miscellaneous > What’s A Spade?: My Grand Delusion

What’s A Spade?: My Grand Delusion

I recently had one of these drinks at the Grand Illusion. It wasn’t very tasty. I wasn’t deluded. The End. Good Story Jeremiah.

I never think that I’m above anything, but I do surprise myself sometimes. Not because I think I’m great and wonderful, but I just do things sometimes that I didn’t think I would do. Silly things. For example, I’m a really good pretender. Not like the hit 90s series The Pretender, where I can fool everyone into thinking I’m something I’m not. I don’t know how much I fool others, but I’m pretty good at self-delusion. [bows]

I hope I’m not alone. Ever hear the idiomatic phrase “call a spade a spade?” It’s a pretty good phrase to live by. I always assumed the referent of spade is a garden tool, but I guess it could work well with playing cards too. Avoiding further distraction, protraction, and the addition of more words for the sake of mere length instead of pertinent content,* I’ll get to the point. –> There is a spade in my life, and I’ve been calling it a rake (or a diamond, depending on the type of spade we’re talking about). I have this strange and stupid idea that if I call it a rake enough, think about it as a rake, then it will just be a rake without the spade actually fundamentally changing.

It doesn’t work. It’s still a spade. It’s still a spade. It’s still a spade. Why do I want to think about it as a rake? I dunno. I think it feels like I need a rake so I pick up my spade, pretend it’s a rake, and in happy ignorance I walk around the yard digging up the ground as the leaves pile up. It’s not a rake. It’s not a bad thing that it’s a spade. I can use a spade! I can work with it! It can be good and delightful. But it’s pretty counterproductive to try to use it as a rake. A spade is a damn spade people.

*I love playing games with words. I got you good.

Categories: Miscellaneous
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